Let It Go Millennial

In another blog post I talked about what a Millennial Mama even is, and now I'd like to outline how to get the most out of a blog like this by learning about a skill (vulnerability) that, I believe, is key to OUR future happiness. This blog is for me and you; every reader out there identifying with this group. 

So what is vulnerability? Vulnerability requires a belief of intrinsic worth. Intrinsic worth is a view of self-worth as not requiring some action or behavior to be worthy of this or that; usually love or success. Often, we as millennials, have learned to avoid vulnerability and often believe we aren't even worthy of it. 

Our parents raised us to be independent, self-motivated and self-sufficient and society promised us if we were those things and worked hard we would have the world. What they also told us was if we did not meet those standards we were lazy, failures, and ultimately unworthy. Essentially, the only way to achieve worthiness is through hard work, high productivity, and obtaining a rigid definition of success. The complete opposite of what fosters vulnerability.

Vulnerability, in this context, is an authentic existence with the belief you are worthy regardless of your productivity or sense of success. Now we are all panicking because we were raised to believe the complete opposite; don't panic yet. YOUR WORTH IS NOT DEPENDENT ON YOUR PRODUCTIVITY OR SUCCESS IN LIFE. Now you can panic.. haha jk. 

Let's break it into bite size pieces. Vulnerability will require bravery, honesty, an increased self-awareness, and a reclaimed softness. I know this is a big ask, but your millennial brain should be seeking approval and you'll do it anyway.

Bravery is required in vulnerability because you are doing something that is uncomfortable, often something you may have struggled with since childhood when we started experiencing, categorizing, learning who others wanted us to be and what we had to do to be worthy of their love and/or approval. Bravery, in this sense, isn't the bravery you have to take the lead and get things done, bravery in this sense is the willingness to challenge something you have carved into your brain for many years. Bravery will be challenging that millennial belief of worthiness and showing yourself self-compassion instead of continuing to forge ahead on the path we are on taking every set back in stride.

Honesty is required in any form of self-reflection or personal growth journey. Honesty is a staple in vulnerability because if we are not vulnerable, at least with ourselves, any future work is based on a only a partial truth. If you aren't able to be honest at the beginning your work will be wasted at the end.

Self awareness, in the context of vulnerability, is more than knowing facts about ourselves; more than knowing whether we are an extrovert or an introvert, whether we chose the sourdough or marathon mid-life passion project. Self awareness is reflecting on our experiences, understanding how those experiences shaped us, and then challenging the beliefs that were developed from those experiences. We are challenging the notion that worthiness is contingent on productivity and success and that is all the easier when we can recognize the faulty paths that led us there.

Softness is a process of reclaiming our authentic selves and letting go of the pressure to be tough and independent, the mentality of "forge ahead!", the rigid definitions of success. Softness is a strength; the ability to show ourselves self-compassion. Through self-compassion we are allowing ourselves to feel pain for our younger versions of ourselves that worked to hard, grieve the lives we were promised, heal the parts of us that defy unconditional worthiness, and nurture dreams that have no socially recognized positive outcome but make us happy anyway. Think making sourdough without the purpose of sharing on social media or trying to sell it, but for the purpose of enjoying making sourdough and enjoying eating it and that's it.

Our lack of vulnerability skills as millennials is a result of all the things we faced in our generation, the broken promises for working hard and going to college and the ingrained belief we are only worthy if we are productive and successful. Learning to be vulnerable is a foundational step in learning to care for ourselves, heal from it all, let it go and stop the grind. We can be vulnerable despite all the promises broken and short straws we drew. Let's be vulnerable, accept the past, grieve the losses, and build the version of millennials that know self worth, believe in their own self-worth and live their lives according to this new standard despite it all.  I promise that version of yourself is someone you are going to want to meet; you are going to want your kids to meet. I'm feeling empowering millennial vibes.. and I'm loving it. 

I hope you let yourself love it too..